


I feel so cold

by Panladd



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2020-04-29
Packaged: 2021-02-12 18:56:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 8,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21481222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Panladd/pseuds/Panladd
Summary: So, should I give up?But really, can I give up?We live in a time and space, a world full of blinds.It makes me wanna give up.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	1. The process running towards your objective

_I can do it. I can do it. I can't risk to fail this test. I can remember everything. I don't need to go through that again and again and again, if I get a perfect score. I will make them proud, so I don't need to listen to them argue. _

_Everything is going to be fine. I can do it. I can do it. I will get a perfect score. Maybe if I don't get a perfect score, I might don't need to go to that fancy school. I just want to stay here in Sydney. I don't want to move to Korea._

_I don't have any friends in there. Well that doesn't mean shit because I don't have friends in here either. I just don't feel like moving around to a new place. Also I need to improve my Korean. Let's just get this test done and worry later when I am not studying or "talking" with my parents._

_I hope they will stop hoping so much from me. I don't want to grow up so fast. Don't expect so much from me._

**I feel ** **so cold...**


	2. Only to have your passion shown in the results

Bang Chang got almost the full score on his last exam of the year. Only 2 mistakes. His parents wanted to celebrate that their son made a good jog and they would soon move to Korea. Chan didn't feel good about this so he kept quiet 'cause he knew that his opinion doesn't matter to his parents. 

After celebrating Chan went straight to his bed and took his phone out. Like a normal teen at his age, he would go to social media to look something that could comfort him. He wasn't that famous but he wasn't a nobody either. He would post some pictures of his music he has been making in secret.

They were more like some little clips of some, but nothing special. As the time went by. It was already 2am but he was still up. He couldn't stop thinking about the stress he is going to get when he is in Korea. Strangers everywhere. Rarely someone speaking English or that he is in a new place and the food is different. 

Chan lets out a small sigh and sits up. The rain always comforted the little Australian boy. He looks outside as the water drops hits hardly on the glass. The dark grey clouds covering the whole sky. Chan gets closer to the window. 

His cold long finger slowly touch the surface of the glass. He looks away from his hand to find him looking at himself. Few drops hitting on glass. Chan staring at his reflection on the window. In the dark quiet room, where the only light source is his phone and the small light outside.

His reflection is weak but you can see that his face wasn't telling that he enjoyed being is his small study prison. Maybe he would get more freedom in the Korea. His parents would be more stuck int the traffics than here.

They even bought a bigger house that looked like a mansion. More emptiness. That's what I wanted. Thank god the school is far away so I can have some free time there. Might explore more. He sees that he had small joy in his lips that he hadn't seen in a long time, but it was quickly gone.

"I can't wait to be free from studying." His words disappears in the darkness. Chan opens his window that he could easily fall asleep hearing the drops of the rain. It always helped him to fall asleep. He slowly steps to his bed and puts hid phone aside. Putting the covers on top of him.

"I wish I could sleep forever." Chan whispered one last time before his night became an nightmare.


	3. For example our teen years

The first day here in Korea has been alright to Chan. He had to firstly find a place for his stuff he had so much. He takes out all his books and put them on his shelves and puts his most black clothes on his big closet room. 

I am really getting lonely in this big room already. Chan sighs and gets on his bed and looks at his phone. His grandmother send a text for him saying that he should rest little before working his ass of.

He is going to miss her so much. She was always so kind to him and made sure I had my opinions on things. She would comfort him when he had some bad times, but of most of he kept for himself. He didn't want to drown his grandma with his worries.

He walks away from his bed to his desk to study his Korean little better. Chan isn't bad at Korean but not that perfect. He would always remind himself that his parents wants him to have perfect on the subjects.

He takes his pen and starts doodling some random words in hangul. As Chan got tired of it. He slowly starts writing some random poems that slowly turns into lyrics he could use. He got distracted again but he didn't stop writing more.

He feels finally little alive in a while. Writing ideas that just keeps coming out of his mind and heart. Not only from his body and brain. He feels nice using his time on something else than studying.

The clock on the wall just ticks and ticks as the time passes. Chan finally decides to stop after all that 'studying' His stomach is screaming for food. He exits his room to the kitchen little getting lost where the kitchen is. He walks to the fridge and notices that there is a small note.

He takes a closer look and see that they left a note that they will be gone for a long time and will be back tomorrow morning. Great. I can be little free tonight. Chan thought about the idea for exploring the town little. He won't be gone too long, just little walking here and there and going to the store to buy some snack for the night. 

Chan quickly runs to his room to pick up his phone and some cash that he changed in the airport if he wanted to buy something today. He takes his leather jacket and his black cap and runs the halls to the door.

He is going to spend his night without worries about his parents. He didn't think that he could have this much of time spending alone not with his parents nagging at him. Chan puts his shoes on and takes the keys and locks the door behind him. 

First breath of his freedom felt little good. He lowers his cap and start walking to somewhere. He saw a little park on his way here so why not going there first. There was this small store also. The sky has already settled and there is slightly stars in the sky.

He takes his phone out and plugs his earphones to listen some songs he likes to listen on his free time. The street lights dimly show their way to the park. The park looks some what lonely to his eyes but that means he is going to have his alone time outside of his room for once. 

As he gets closer to the park to more hungry he got. The teen decides to stop by to store he sees and then go swinging on the swings. The store looks really bright and It's all covered in text that Chan didn't want to read so clearly so he ignored them.

He walks inside and sees that there are so many different king of snacks he didn't have back in Australia. He wonders the snack section and decides then to buy couple of candy bags and a small soda bottle. After paying his little snacks he can continue his walk to the park.

After wondering how the candies would taste Chan finally opens one bag and takes a small bite. Not bad, they are pretty good. Chan was little surprised that the candies tasted similar like back in Australia. There isn't much of people outside here. I thought there would be more people here.

As the steps gets closer to the park, Chan's mind keeps storming and storming his thoughts. He thinks if he should keep his profile low about his wealth or not making friends at all. Or he could pretend to look all scary like back in then. 

I think that option about being scary and not letting anyone near me would be a good answer. They always to be my friends because of my wealth. People are always so greedy with money right? I look up away from the ground at the park and notice there is someone else sitting at the swings.

He doesn't look like he is with someone. He swings so slowly. I look closely at this certain person and notice his ginger hair color first then at his clothing. Oversized yellow hoodie and ripped skinny jeans. His backpack is laying next to the swings legs. It's none of business what he is doing here, so I am going to ignore him and go to the swing next to him. Chan thought to himself.

As Chan passes the stranger he takes a quick look at the boys face. His face is covered is some bud and his clothes are little buddy. Chan didn't notice those stains back there. He has some beautiful freckles too. He doesn't seem to be from here too. Chan sits down next to this stranger.

It's all quiet. Only swings chains hitting the wind and the breathing of the both people. Chan's mind is puzzled by all of this. A stranger covered in stains and all dirty but also that he just keeps looking at the ground. 

"Uhm, You don't like you're from here. Is everything okay?" Chan asks in Korean and looks at the person next to him. Should've he asked in English? 

"Sorry, but I didn't understand much what you said..." His voice was so deep but so quiet. So he is from somewhere else. His face doesn't match so much with his deep voice. Chan looks up and then back at the kid.

"Don't worry. I am not from here too. We can talk in English if there is something bothering you." Chan says in some regrets on his words. He thought that he shouldn't be making friends in here and look what he is doing. Talking to a stranger about what is bothering him.

"It's just... I am new here and and I am struggling with my Korea... I promised to my parents that I will use my education money wisely... but I ended up almost spending all of them... 'cause 'cause I didn't know that it would be so expensive to study... Now I am I am staying at some small apartment and having part time jobs to pay my education and my rent.... I get bullied at school 'cause of my poor Korean and I don't have time to study it enough." 

Chan is shocked by the information he just got so quickly that he doesn't understand what to do. So he takes his other earplug and hands to it to the stranger. Chan mouths take it and shows put it on your ear. The other seems little confused about the sudden action.

"Don't worry too much. It will in the end pay you back that hard work of yours." Chan says and looks at the boy next to him. The boy puts the earplug on his right ear and listens to the melody. Little did the boy know that Chan was listening his own made songs that he hasn't released yet. 

The songs that Chan makes are kinda sad but the lyrics are cheerful about life. Chan turns to look at the boy who listens the songs closely. He has his eyes shut and Chan wonders should he let him in? 

"This singer is really good, and the songs are good too. You know that you really are good at making me think other things." He says somewhat cheerfully. Well that was fast. Put his face is still looking all this sad after all. 

"Well if these could make you little happy. I need to go before they notice I am gone." Chan tries to excuse himself out of this awkward situation. He gives his candy bag to the other boy and walks away.

Leaving Felix behind with a bag of candies.


	4. Even if we pour our out and use everything we've learnt

First day at the new school. Well for Chan it meant no more freedom for a while. Not until his parents would be of to work for a long time.Chan slowly walks to his buss top while listening some of his mixtapes. He has been uploading some of them to sound cloud under the name of CB97. He doesn't want to get caught by his parents.

As he arrives at his buss stop. He sees the same guy he met yesterday. What does he think of Chan after leaving the kid in confusion and left him some candy. He thought he could forget all about it, but he guesses he can't.

The other kid hasn't noticed the black leather jacket guy waiting the same buss he waits. Felix had to woke up early today to make some of his homework. Felix just wants to rest but he needs to work because of his thoughts back then when he was younger and thought that he can live here alone and start a new life and leave his past behind.

After a while waiting the buss to pick them up. The buss finally arrives and Chan waits that the other steps in first. He just feels awkward about the fact he was supposed to make other feel better but he ended up being a whole idiot.

As he steps in, the only free seat is next to other kid. He thinks if he should stand or sit next to him. He was feeling tired today so he should sit. Or should he stand to not feel so awkward? Does he even remember him? 

As he thinks all of this his body is already walking to the seat and in no time he was already sitting, but he was still gone inside his own world. Felix just doesn't feel like he should care who sits next to him. He is just so tired after all that happened yesterday. He still wonders if he could be friends with him.

Felix feels his eyes getting heavier and heavier. Chan in other hand tried to distract himself from the other. But he keeps failing by sometimes looking at the other too long. He puts his earplugs but as he was about to put the other earplug he feels something silky touch his palm.

He looks at his right and see that the other's head is falling down and then coming up. He is trying to sleep but he doesn't notice to lean on the window.  
Chan is mildly panicking. So he decides to push the other against the window to lean on that.

'I hope his neck won't hurt by this.' Chan thinks to himself before looking at the front. They're almost at their destination? Chan is not sure where the school was again and that does the other go to same school. He looks outside the buss window.

There is a big building showing in yo their view that looks somewhat familiar to Chan. He presses the stop button and takes the others backpack and takes him by the wrist. Taking a half asleep wobbling koala outside the buss. They almost missed their stop.

"Who? Where are? We?" The other says as he is still being held by his wrist. Chan still continues to walk. Felix rubs his eyes. He looks up and notices that he is almost at his school's building. He looks at the person who keeps holding his hand.

"You! You are the guy from-humph!" Felix was about to spoke but he was shot by his own backpack in the face, as Chan runs away inside to school building. He runs off again from the Felix.

"Oi Felix! Who was he?" Jisung jumps out of nowhere. Jisung is the only one who is friends with the Felix but he isn't always there for him of his being in different class. Felix tries to look around the other but can't find the strange stranger.

"He was someone who woke up me in the buss." Felix says in a quiet voice but Jisung still heard it all. They both start walking inside the building before they're late from their classes. 

"Let's hurry up so I can talk to teacher." Jisung starts pushing Felix forward while the other is panicking little.

Chan reached the building he was already lost so he had to ask where the teacher room is from the people passing by. 'Great way how to start a day, Bang Chan.' He curses to himself in English. He finally reaches the room and tries to look for his homeroom teacher. 'He was Mr. Park, I think.' He looks around to find the name tag.

"Oh, you must be Bang Chan?" Someone taller than Chan said behind him. Chan turned around to see the teacher he was expecting.

"Yes that's me. I am Bang Chan." Chan says awkwardly. The teacher introduces himself as a Mr. Park Jinyoung and looks at his own papers.

"Hey you! Yes you! Come here! Hurry!" Jinyoung says really loud to someone that looks like astudent in Chan's eyes. The student rushes to him and the teacher.

"What you need now?" The students asks from the teacher and then turns to look at Chan.  
"Ohhhh. He must be our new classmate. I'm Han Jisung. You are?" He offers his hand to Chan.

"I am Bang Chan." He answers and shakes Jisung's hand.  
"Show him around and get him a uniform." Mr. Park says and Jisung nods and takes Chan outside the room.

"So where are you from?" Jisung asks as the tour of the school is over and they start walking to where they can buy their school uniforms.  
"Sydney, Australia." Chan says as he looks through the condition of the clothes.

"You are from there too?! One of my friends is from there too. I think you two could get along." Jisung says smiling at the thought that his friend wouldn't have to feel left out anymore.

"I am not here to make friends." Chan says coldly. Only friend he wants to be with is that little freckle boy. He just feels that he needs to know him but at the same time he wants to forget about him.

"Well that was cold. Try to be even friendly in here." Jisung says as he crosses his arms.  
"I can pay this by myself." Chan says as he steps out wearing the uniform. Jisung just nods and thinks that this guy might be a dick after all. 'Might'


	5. There is always little regret

Felix has been sitting at his seat for a while now. Jisung told him to wait as he had something to talk with the teacher, but he grew no curious.  
'What is taking so long?' 

The class is so noisy and some people keep looking at him weirdly. 'Well 'cause the teacher said that I can sit alone for awhile to get used to all of this.' Felix thinks and starts doodling something to get his thoughts somewhere else.

A loud thud was heard in the whole classroom. Everyone turns to look in front of the classroom where Jisung is standing right now.

"Okay classmates. We have a new student. You can come in now." Jisung says and Felix finally looks up to his friend but quickly turned to look at the person walking in. His expression turned confused really quick.

"Introduce yourself." Jisung says and walks aside.  
"Hi, I am Bang Chan." Chan says and stays quiet. Felix can feel his head spin little. Should he thank the stranger for waking him up and making him confused yesterday.

"Is that all?" Jisung asks but Chan just nods making everyone confused. Jisung looks around where Chan could sit but only seat that is available is next to Felix. He doesn't want him to sit next to him, but he has no choice.

"Go sit next to Felix." Jisung says and looks at Felix as Chan walks his way to the seat. Everyone stares at the tired looking boy that hasn't changed his emotion at all. 'The others are awfully quiet' Felix thoughts.

"So okay, remember that we still have to finnish this one project our homeroom teacher told us to do." Jisung says making all of the other students let out noisy arguments about that they should have more time to finish it.

Felix instead is looking at the other. 'He looks all pale. He looks somewhat scary.' Felix turns around to look his friend standing there and saying about things until the teacher steps in.

~~~~~

"Honey, how was your time in school?" Chan's mother says from the kitchen.  
"The usual. I am going to study." Chan says leaving to his dark lonely room. He opens to door and closes it and jumps on his bed.

"I should at least make my homework then ask from people from the chat whose group project I could join." Chan thinks out loud and gets up from his bed and walks to his desk. 

"Why this one is so god damn hard!" Chan screams quietly not making his mother get worried about him. It's already been over few ours and the room's air is turning anxious.

After long time staring at one paper were he should write about himself, what his dream is? But he has hard time thinking should he write about his parents dream they want for hjm or his own dream as a music producer. 

"This thinking is making more and more hungry and thirsty." Chan murmurs to himself. He gets up and leaves the paper empty and walks to the kitchen.

'They left again.' Chan thinks to himself as he finds the whole kitchen and dining room empty. Not even cooked food is prepared for him. Chan looks around and looks outside. It's a clear sky.

He is again walking the streats, blasting music from his earphones. Well now there are few people walking here and there but it's not that busy that you would drown in them.

He looks around and notices that he is already at the park. The swings are empty. Chan feels some small pain in his heart but there is no one. He walks to them and starts swinging little by little. 

He feels his phone vibrating and sees that someone is calling. His older brother. Woojin. He has been studying abroad in America away from the parents they have. They've not talked to each other for a long time. So it is some what surprising for him.

"Hi."  
"Hey, lil bro!" 'Always so happy huh'  
"How it's going over there?"  
"Really good. I wanted to call you first. I have something really important to tell you." 

"Tell me then."  
"You've gone little cold haven't you, but to the real thing I have to say. I am going to come to visit you."  
"Are you going to tell our parents about this?" Chan feels that something is off.

"I don't need to." Woojin's voice sounded wrong in Chan's ear.  
"Is everything alright there?"  
"Yeah, of course. Can you keep a secret?" 

"Do you really think I can't keep it. I can keep anything as a secret brother."  
"I drop out of the school."  
"Woojin, really?" Chan felt curious if he was joking or not.

"I just... couldn't do it anymore... I am... feeling so free from them Chan. Please don't tell them I am coming to for a small visit." Woojin felt so good to tell this to his little brother. Chan could feel his brothers present but he knows that he is not here.

"I just really want to see you Chan. It's been such a log time seeing you smile. I found out that you write some songs, good job Chan... I miss you" Chan freezes and feels his body tremble. 

"I miss you Woojin. I miss the old times." Chan says his voice shaking as his grip tighten on the phone. The wind is blowing gently on the Chan's face making him wonder why he is still not living like he wishes to.

"Hey, Chan... Everything is going to be fine. I promise. You can do it. You can live like you want. I believe that you can be something that is part of you. I believe in you. Don't end up following theirs dream. Don't end up like me." Woojin says making Chan's eyes water up. 

Both of them end of their phones were having their moment. Chan weeping about his brother's bravery and that he has someone to lean on. Woojin breaking down in fear of his future between their parents.


	6. Until that time we all have hardships

"There aren't any costumers around here." Felix says in English making his manager little confused before leaving but turns back at the doorway and walks out. Felix slowly falls on the desk and looks in front staring at nothingness. He is lucky that he got a part time job or he would be homeless by now.

He let's out a sigh and goes back at his standing and starts studying his Korean little bit better. Time passes by and it's almost a closing time just 15 more minutes then Felix can go to home and rest little before he needs to woke up early again. Like almost every morning.

He looks around and start slowly cleaning the store. He hears that something dropped next to him. Felix leans to the object and pick it up. A small soda bottle. 'It must have rolled from other side of store.' Felix starts walking to where the soda should be placed.

As he walks to the section he sees someone kneeling down looking under the shelf. He looks somehow familiar to Felix. He tries to contain his laughter 'cause the person let's out weird noises as he tries to look for something and the fact that stranger is on the floor.

"Is this what you are looking for?" Felix making Chan scream little the fact that he also hit his head on the bottom of shelf. Felix let's out a small laugh but tries to not laugh so hard. 

"Ah, yes. Thank you." Chan gets up and cleans himself little looking at the person who found the soda Chan dropped. He looks at Felix and goes in to small panic. He just watched him to get his on the head by his own head.

"You are the guy who threw my backpack on my face." Felix says making Chan more embraced. 

"Well, can I have the soda, so you could get little bit more payed." Chan says ignoring the fact Felix just wanted to know why he threw it. As Felix gives the soda back he notices that Chan's eyes look really puff and little bit red.

"What are you staring come here. You are the cashier after all." Chan says making Felix snap out his thoughts. He hurries to the desk to not make the costumer more mad. 

"Goodnight, Sleep well. You look really tired." Chan says before he walked his way out of the store and before Felix could say anything. Felix was confused as ever and that he noticed that they didn't talk in Korean at all is also a surprise. 

~~~~~

Felix feels like something is off. After all it's 3 am in the morning and Felix decided to wonder the town little bit more and not sleep. The person even told him to sleep well but here he is not getting any sleep.

How could he sleep? His head is full of thoughts about what would happen if his parents found out that he is here. Felix didn't tell his parent's that he would live to Korea and start a new life. Instead he ignores them and tries to live like he wants to.

He looks around the streets and it's so peaceful at this time. Few cars here and there nothing special. Felix takes his phone out to take a small picture of the street that he could post on the social media. He feels like shivers run down his bones.

A man screaming in pain and running along the street burning all over. Felix froze at the view in front of him. He doesn't even know why he is still holding his phone up, he should call help. He starts dialing the emergency number. 

Felix look back up and noticed that the person isn't burning up anymore but the jacket was still burning. Felix felt like a huge weight was dropped off.

"Are you okay sir!" Felix shouts at the stranger.

"Get out of here!" The stranger shouts at Felix making him more worried. The phone finally pick it up. Before the one behind the call could say anything he sees the person standing in the middle of the road.

"Someone help me." Stranger says before the big truck hit him. Felix feels his gut twist and feels his head spinning. He just saw someone kill himself. 

"Come quickly! Someone got hit by a car! And the truck is against the pole! It's at the Dobong-ro street! Close to this one gas station! Hurry!" Felix shouts on the phone panicking so much. He puts his phone on speaker so he could hear what he should do to help the other.

"Sir, calm down. Thank you for making us aware. Now tell me more details and take look at the victim." Felix looks at the horrific sight in front of him. Truck's front smashed on the pole while the other victim is laying next to it. The truck is all smashed in the front.

"The truck... is all smash up and the corpses are all..." Felix feels himself getting more and more anxious. 

"Sir calm down. Go look at the people if they are breathing." Felix tried to understand what the other said but lack of his 

"It's going to be fine. Don't you dare stop breathing the help is coming." Felix says still heart beating really fast. Felix looks around if there is anyone who could check on the person in the car. There is of course no one 'cause it's three in the fricking morning.

He runs to the driver's seat to look if anyone is there. An alcohol smelling person on the drivers seat while next to him sits more younger looking person. He looks like he same age as Felix or more younger.

"no no no no NO NO!" Felix starts panicking so much that he doesn't even know what language he is talking anymore. He runs to the other side and tries to open the door. He feels like he can't let the poor kid to die.

"Hey! Are you there!?" Felix shouts while struggling open the car's door. He takes a stronger grip of it and tries to pull it with his full force. Nothing. Felix starts hitting the glass with his hand. Should he break the glass? Would it break?

"Fuck it. Don't worry!" Felix picks up a rock aside from the road and starts hitting the glass as it slowly cracks open. He puts his hand up and opens the door from outside. He takes a better look at the younger. He isn't that badly injured. Just passed out while he has some blood dripping from his left arm and feet.

The sirens ringing in his ears as his vision doesn't match up with his memory. Time to time he feels his tiredness take over him, as he falls next to person as the people starts running towards them and picks Felix up as the end of the phone is the person panicking.


	7. We don't know how much lies in the outcome but

"Shit." Chan first words for the day. He rolls out of his bed and wonders why he stayed up all night instead of sleeping.

He takes his phone to look what time it is and should he take a buss or walk.

"Shit, shit, shit. My parents are going to kill me!" Chan screams as he starts putting his clothes on as he panicks more and more.

His phone starts ringing and he just answer not looking who is calling but also he is in fear if it was good idea to take a call.

"You are Bang Chan right?" Chan let's out somewhat relief sigh.  
"Yeah that's me." Chan says packing his backpack.

"I am calling you because you are only one in our class that speaks good English besides Felix and me and you're late, so as an excuse for being late I am going to tell the teacher that you are with Felix at the police station to comfort him." 

Chan drops his bag and sits down on the edge of his bed. He could skip school and not get his parents mad about it.

"What police station he is in right now?" Chan says while he empties his back on his bed and takes some hoodies with him if he stays long and wishes that he could skip the whole school day.

"That one that is closes to our school. I'll give all the homework later for two of you. Comfort him please. The nurse told me earlier he passed out and saw something that she didn't want to talk to me.

Just comfort him..." 

"I'll do my best, don't worry." Chan says as the phone is hung up and Chan looks at the hoodies he picked. He throws them back at the closet and takes the yellow big hoodie that's Chan's warmest hoodie.

He steps out of his room and runs to the kitchen and takes something to eat on the way and runs out of his house.

~~~~~

"Oh thank god you are awake. Can you tell me your name?" Felix tries to make up what's going on as his eyes slowly starts opening. He didn't understand most of the words the person asked but tries to look around what happened.

"What time is it?" He asks in English not caring if the other person would understand anything. He sits up and looks at the person. She looks like a nurse, but they are still at the road.

"It's 7 am and It's been over 3 hours after the incident. The road is closed 'cause the case of the burning man you saw seems suspicious, but can you tell me your name." Felix was little surprised the fact she speaks in English. He is just out of his mind what just happened.

"Your friend kept calling so I told him that he can find you at the police station." The nurse says helping Felix to stand up.

"Let's get you inside the car." The nurse says as he walks Felix to the police car and tells them that he finally woke up and is ready for investigation.

As the car ride makes it's way in to it's destination Felix feels anxious. Why is he taken to police station? He wasn't the one who rammed over the guy and hit the pole.

"Don't worry too much. I know it's a traumatic thing to see someone lost their life in front of your eyes. We are only investigating you 'cause that burned corpse might be a small clue to our real mystery." The poliman says.

Felix looks up confused not understanding much of it but he could understand that he might be a small clue to them but he didn't understand much. He should learn more. Felix feels still anxious.

"We are here." The policeman says and steps out of the car. Felix feels more scared for no reason. The door next to him opens.

"Follow me." The poliman says and hands his hand to help Felix get down. As they both walk in Felix feels like he can't breath and he feels little cold for not wearing much clothes last night and the weather is getting more colder.

"Your friend called us and said he'll send someone to comfort you 'cause he can't come due to his position at school that's important to the school." One of the policies says as Felix sits down and understanding that someone will come here. He wishes that it wouldn't be on one his bullies.

"So let's get going with the questions. What did you saw at the road?" The policeman in front of him said. Felix looks confused 'cause his brains doesn't want to function Korean. He just stares at his feet.

"Did you hear the questions or do I have to repeat for you?"He says as he looks at Felix feeling like the boy doesn't even listen.

"I hears clearly but let me translate it to English officer." Felix heards someone talking behind him that sounded familiar. He turns around and sees the guy from the yesterday he met at the store.

"What did you saw at the road?" Chan says in English as he takes a chair and sits next to Felix.

"I saw... um this guy on fire and told me to get out of there... and then the truck hit the man and them smashed on the pole... the man told me to get out of there and not help him..." Felix says feeling more and more like he is saying something wrong.

"So, he saw one guy burning. He asks if he needs help but instead the guy told him to get out of there and after that the truck hit the man and then hit the pole." The policeman nods and writes everything important down.

"Was there anything else you noticed?" Chan asks as Felix plays with his thumbs. Then something flicks in his mind.

"I might have picture of 'cause the view before that whole incident looked cool." Felix says not sure if he still has it. He takes his phone out mean while Chan translates what he just said.

"Here..." Felix says while handing his phone to the man behind the desk. In the pick you can see the man burning all over while you can see someone in white hoodie in all black stains leaving the gas station from a far.

"I'll sent this to myself. This helped a lot kid." He says while doing something to Felix phone. Chan looks at Felix as he feels his uneasiness. 

"You may leave." He says and hands the phone back to Felix as the two Aussies stand up from their seats. 

"Umm, I am Felix..." Felix tries to break the awkward silence between them as they exit the police station. The cold breeze hits Felix, to give him shivers down his whole body.

"I am Chan. Wait a second."Chan says as he noticed that Felix is shivering so he kneels down to open his backpack properly. He takes the hoodie out and puts his backpack back to his back.

"Here." He says as he hands the hoodie to Felix. Felix looks surprised the fact he had a other hoodie besides what he is wearing.

"Thanks." Felix says and puts on the hoodie. As they continue to walk Chan couldn't help to think how small and comfy Felix looks at that hoodie.


	8. Don't ever hate yourself

"Where have you been!" Chan's mother screams at him as she hits the coffee table with her fist. Chan jumps at the sudden shout.

"I was at the school." Chan lies to her mom as he tries to escape to his room.  
"I tried to pick you up from the school to take you to the study meeting and I waited for you over 107 minutes!" She screams as Chan freezes.

"Then why didn't you call me to check if I went there by walking." Chan says trying to defend himself. Still waiting to run of to his room.

"Well, then explain me why were you with Felix at the town?" She says and stands up. 'Shit.'

"Why were you hanging around with the school's worst student? You should be studying and not hanging with low classes." She adds. Chan feels himself getting angrier and but also scared.

"I wish I wasn't born in to this family." Chan whispers and walks to his room.  
"Where do you think you are going?!" His mother screams at him.

"To studying. What else can I do in this fucked up world mom." Chan is little impressed that he stood for himself.

Chan opens his door and locks it so he couldn't be bothered. He pulls out his laptop and earphones. He doesn't feel like studying at all. He feels like making music.

Chan starts writing lyrics on his notebook. As he writes he doesn't remember what her mother even said to her. All he could think about Felix. Should he write a song for him?

"What I am even thinking? It's only been few hours and all I can think is..." Chan speaks out loud but suffocates to the air in his room.

He starts looking at his laptop's screen as he already has the small beat in it. Should he? He doesn't even know what's with him anymore. Chan hears her mother knocking at door. 

Chan pulls his earphones better to his ears blocking the noise coming outside. All he can think about the day with some freedom from the stress about school, but he feels little upset about Felix being most of the time being quiet.

All he learned about him was that he likes ice cream and likes dogs a lot, but still to Chan it feels like the fellow boy is hiding something. 'Blessings waiting for you~' Chan writes it down as he is about to finish the bass of the song and the lyrics. Just needs to put a leading and the record his voice.

'Should I ask for his twitter user? I already has his number. Should I text him?' Chan thinks to himself as he takes his phone out. Should he? Wouldn't be creepy text at him after their meeting earlier today? 

Channie:  
Hi, Chan here

Felixie:  
Hi

channie:  
I was just wondering  
What's your twitter account

Felixie  
Oh  
It's PixieFelix  
Also thanks  
Thank you for  
everything today

channie:  
Nononono  
I feel i should tank you  
For getting know you better  
Also your freckles looks good  
:)

Felix froze by the compliment. He doesn't know how to answer. Instead he clicks the notification he got from twitter. His eyes opens wide.

"WAIT, HE IS A SONGWRITER!" Felix screams and looks at the twitter account again and sees that Chan isn't even following many people only like 9 and the followers look so much in to Felix's eyes.

"Okay okayokayokay okay. Just relax." Felix tells to himself as he takes a look again. Yep it's all truth. Felix brushes his hair touching his ear. He remembers the evening where they first met.

'That was really awkward' Felix thinks to himself as he looks at the tweets and sees that he seems like a good friend.

~~~~

"Hey Woojin! Where you want us to see each other?" Chan says happily as he speaks to his brother through the phone hearing Woojin happily laughing.

"What about the restaurant that is close to your school?" Woojin says as Chan happily starts walking to there after his parents were arguing at him. 

"Sure. How was your free time at the States?" Chan asks looking around if he sees his brother.

"It was great, I found so many great friends... also there is this special someone who I would like you to meet." Woojin's voice sounds little hesitant.

"Don't tell it's a boyfriend. If it is, you are becoming my role model." Chan says in serious tone but lets out a small laugh afterwards as Woojin is also giggling.

"Hey I am here!" Chan shouts and waves his hands in the end of the street. Woojin waves back as the person next to him does too.

"Chan it's been such a long time when I saw you!" Woojin says and hugs his little brother. Chan feels so good to have him by his side again.

"Chan I want you to meet my boyfriend. Seungmin." Woojin says and he puts his arm around Seungmin's waist.

"I KNEW IT WAS A BOYFRIEND! Hi I am Chan and I am very proud of you and don't let me brother eat all the chicken he sees." Chan says and shakes hand with him.

"Let's go eat some chicken!" Woojin says.  
"What did I say about the chickens." Chan says and facepalms as the walk inside the building.

It's all going so well for them. Chan can spend time with his brother and get know that Woojin's boyfriend goess the same school as he does, but not the same class. Chan promised that he can be friends with Seungmin and take care of him if he feels alone to Woojin 'cause Woojin needs to go in 4 days back to states.

Chan made a new friend and had a great time. He feels free again. He wishes that it could be like this forever. He really does. A smile curves in to Chan's face as he takes an other bite of the chicken as Woojin feeds Seungmin some.

It's all so lovely


	9. Right now you probably don't have any time to rest

"I found you a student tutor group where you could study." His mom says as Chan sits at the back looking out of the window.

"It has bests students in the whole town and I wish you could pay some respect to me finding you a one and not ignore it." His mother keeps talking and doesn't bother to look away at the passing by trees and people.

"Are you even listening Chan?!" His mother snaps and still Chan ignores it and sees that they are already here. Before his mother could say anything. Chan is already out of the car running away from his mother.

He didn't want to look at her or wave goodbye. He doesn't like the way she treats him somehow. As the breeze hits his face as he keeps running to inside the building ignoring people's stares. Chan just wants to be normal and feel free. He runs to his locker and opens it to see some letters there. 'Love letters, huh.' Chan thinks to himself as he takes them out puts them in his bag not caring if they broke little. He isn't ready for a love life. He doesn't have time for that. Chan takes his books too and closes his locker and runs up the stairs. Breathing heavily as he takes steps forward the rooftop.

As he opens the door he can see that there isn't anyone here, so he can peacefully burn the letters. He knows it's little cruel to burn the words someone put so much feeling in to it but the feeling burning something felt good. The feeling burning the paper as the words disappeared within the fire and smoke. And how the paper turned black. 

~~~~~~~~~

"Hey kid! Wake up before you are going to be late!" Someone screams at Felix. He didn't let anyone inside his home. Did he left his door open? Felix opens his eyes and looks around. An old lady is standing beside his bed. Felix rubs his eyes again and she is still standing there.

"Ummm.... How did... get in?" Felix tried to speak in Korean still not building sentences as he just woke up. The lady just smiles brightly as she crosses her arms.

"No need to speak in Korean. I just thought that I should wake you up before you are going to be late and my grandson goes to same school as you. Also thank you for being there when that all happened so I am willing to help you even little." Someone's grandma says as she sits on the bed across Felix.

"Are you the kids's grandma?" Felix asks as the flash of memories rush in his eyes. The boy. Bleeding.

"Yes, he isn't that badly injured. So don't feel sorry that you didn't stop the accident. His mother is taking care of her bills and all after not giving so much attention. My daughter now regrets her decision not listening her son. Don't care about me ranting about her and my grandson. I am here to take care of you know." She paused for a second and ruffled Felix's hair. He is still confused how he get in. Does she know the password code?

"Jeongin was always talking about you and how kind you were to him when you first met. Do you remember the incident that happened in the football field in one of the p.e classes?" She says as Felix tries to remember as a small memory starts rolling in his mind. When the other students didn't want to play football outside with him as others wanted to play basketball inside and how they said that his braces looked weird on him. Felix wasn't having it and followed him outside but didn't talk to him after that much because he was still lacking at his Korean skills. Felix nods at her.

"Good, he always admired you from a far. He was always jealous about your English skills and learnt himself how to speak it for you so he could be friends with you. He didn't have the guts to speak to you before he was fluent in English so he always came to visit me. Then he found out you live next door so he tried not to panic so much. He was a little coward, so let me take care of you after hearing from him that you always work so hard." She says holding Felix's hand. Felix was feeling emotions he hadn't felt in a long time. 

"Yes you can and... Thank you." Felix says the last part in Korean as smiles so happily as his eyes tears little as he holds hand with her. She hugs Felix as the boy sobs quietly and hugs back.

"The breakfast is ready so dress up and eat before you go. Also you can visit Jeongin someday. He hasn't woken up yet, but I think he would like to see his savior and his motivation to learn English and spent more time with me. Also you can all me just Grandma if you want." Grandma says as she gets up and pats Felix's head. Hope he wakes up. Grandma thinks to himself as Felix reminds her of her son.

"If you want me to teach you Korean, you can always tell me and if there is a problem with the rent you can also tell me about it." Grandma says smiling sweetly as he walks out of the room, so Felix can dress in peace and process what just happened. He stood up and stared at his hand. The hand that touched the boy and the view of a man screaming and burning. Felix wasn't sure was it an accident or a planned murder, but the view was horrible and it's going to haunt him for a long time.

~~~~~~

"Hey Felix! How are you doing today?" Jisung says smiling as he walks up to Felix. Felix turns around and tells him he is doing great. He also tells Jisung about what happened this morning. Still he didn't tell him about Jeongin and that he is going to meet him this evening. 

"So a friendly grandma offered you that she can help with rent. Why can't I find a garndma to help with my own rent!" Jisung gets little upset but gets all jiggly and forgets his upset attitude. Felix spacing out again. He stares out the window in to the horizon. Even when he is seated across the glass from the windows. He stares in to the horizon wishing this all is just a dream.

"Are you even listening Felix?" Jisung spokes snapping his fingers in front of Felix to get his attention back. Felix stares at Jisung before giving him a smile. He feels something buzzing in his pockets. 

'Can we meet up at the roof top' Felix reads the text. It's all written in english and it's from and unknown number.


End file.
